Making the school holidays work for children and young people with additional needs

At Aspris, we understand how challenging the holidays can feel for families supporting children with additional needs. Our trauma-informed, inclusive approach means every child is met with understanding rather than judgement. We work in partnership with families to provide the right support, at the right time and in the right setting, helping children build confidence, discover their strengths and raise their potential.

If you’re looking for advice on navigating the school holidays or are exploring specialist education and support for your child, our experienced and dedicated teams are here to help. Whether you’re at the very start of your journey or taking the next step, we’re with you.

The school holidays can be a time to look forward to more freedom, time together and a break from the usual school routine. But for some children and young people, particularly those with Autism, ADHD or social, emotional and mental health (SEMH) needs, the change in routine can also feel unsettling.

When familiar structures disappear, expectations change and days become less predictable, children and young people may experience increased anxiety, overwhelm or emotional dysregulation. For parents and carers, this can make the school holidays feel very different from the picture-perfect break they may have imagined.

The important thing to remember is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one child may not work for another, and the strategies that help a child at one point in their life may need to change over time.

We spoke to Nichola Jones, a qualified teacher and SENCo at Aspris, and Rebecca McArthur, Regional Director at Aspris and parent to an autistic son, to hear their experiences and advice for families navigating the school holidays.

Key takeaways

Prepare early: Talking about the holidays little and often can help make the change feel more predictable
Keep some structure: A gentle daily rhythm can provide reassurance without making the holidays feel over-planned
Pick your battles: You don’t need to fix or address everything at once: some things can wait
Lower the pressure: You don’t need to fill every day with activities or create the perfect holiday
Look beyond behaviour: What may appear as challenging or autistic behaviours can sometimes be a sign that a child is overwhelmed, anxious or struggling to regulate
Create space to recover: Quiet time and sensory breaks can help children and young people recharge after busy experiences
Stay connected: During moments of dysregulation or shutdown, calm presence and reassurance can be more helpful than trying to solve the problem immediately
Focus on repair, not perfection: Difficult days happen. Reconnecting afterwards can help rebuild a sense of safety and trust
Look after yourself too: Parents and carers need support, rest and opportunities to talk through difficult experiences

Preparing for the change

For many children and young people, the transition from school to the holidays can be one of the biggest challenges.

School provides a familiar structure: predictable times, familiar people, routines and expectations. When that suddenly changes, it can be difficult to know what the day will look like.

Nichola recommends introducing the idea of the holidays gradually rather than waiting until the final day of term. As she explains:

“Talking about the holidays ahead of time, little and often, helps changes feel expected rather than sudden.”

Simple tools like a countdown, calendar or a visual plan for the first week can make expectations clearer and easier to manage. It can also help to talk about what will stay the same as well as what will change. Familiar meals, bedtime routines, favourite activities or regular visits can provide a sense of continuity when everything else feels different.

Rebecca found preparation particularly valuable when planning unfamiliar experiences with her autistic son. Before one family holiday involving a flight, they used a visual cartoon strip, drawn by her son himself, to help him understand what would happen and ease some of his anxiety.

Familiarity can help in other ways too. Rebecca’s family will often return to the same holiday cottages summer after summer, simply because they know it works. For her son, revisiting somewhere familiar feels safe.

The aim isn’t to plan every minute. It’s to make the unfamiliar feel a little more familiar.

Create structure without over-scheduling

A completely unstructured holiday can be difficult for some children with Autism, ADHD or SEMH needs. At the same time, filling every day with activities can create its own problems.

A useful middle ground is to create a light and flexible structure.

Rather than planning a full timetable, consider keeping a few consistent points in the day, such as:

Similar times for waking up and going to bed
Regular mealtimes
Time for rest
One or two simple “anchor points” like a shared activity or outing
Plenty of opportunities for free play or following your child’s interests

Nichola describes these as gentle anchor points that can give the day some shape without making it feel like another school timetable, leaving plenty of open, unstructured time for rest, play and following your child’s interests.

Rebecca’s experience reinforces this. As a busy working parent, she initially felt that holidays should involve lots of days out and activities to make up for the time she’d spent at work during term time. Over time, she realised that doing too much, even two outings back-to-back in a weekend, could actually be overwhelming for her son. As she explains:

“You don’t have to take your child out on nice day trips every other day.”

Sometimes a successful holiday might involve a day at home, time in the garden, a familiar walk or having someone visit the house.

A quieter holiday isn’t a failed holiday.

It’s okay to lower your expectations

Social media can make it seem as though everyone else is having an amazing summer: days out, holidays abroad, family adventures and endless activities.

For families supporting children with additional needs, this can create an enormous amount of pressure.

Rebecca encourages parents to be realistic about what works for their own family rather than comparing themselves with others:

“Lower those expectations. Don’t be too harsh on yourselves.”

This doesn’t mean lowering your hopes for your child. It means recognising that their needs, energy levels, sensory preferences and capacity may be different from those of other children.

A child may not be able to manage two busy outings in a weekend. Another may enjoy a familiar day out but find an unfamiliar attraction overwhelming. A child with ADHD may need opportunities for movement and stimulation, while another child may become overwhelmed by too much activity.

Picking your battles can help here too. Rebecca describes how, for years, her son needed help getting dressed each morning and into pyjamas each night, support most children wouldn’t need much past the age of three, but which he needed until he was ten or eleven. Rather than pushing for independence before he was ready, the family let it go, because without that support, a simple routine task would spiral into a meltdown. Not every difficulty needs fixing straight away, or at all – some things are worth prioritising, and others are worth letting go of, even if other families might do things differently.

The important question isn’t “What should we be doing?” It’s “What works for our child and our family today?”

Understanding overwhelm

Children and young people communicate distress in different ways.

What adults may describe as “challenging behaviour”, autistic behaviours or ADHD behaviours can sometimes be a sign that a child is overwhelmed and struggling to communicate what they need.

For some children, this might look like a meltdown, heightened emotions, irritability or difficulty following instructions. For others, it might involve withdrawing, becoming very quiet or experiencing a shutdown.

This doesn’t mean every behaviour has the same cause. It is about looking beyond the behaviour and considering what might be happening underneath it – an approach at the heart of the trauma-informed practice Aspris schools use every day.

Ask yourself:

Has the day been particularly busy?
Has there been a change to the expected plan?
Has my child had enough time to rest?
Could they be hungry, tired or overstimulated?
Have there been lots of sensory demands?
Are they trying to communicate that something is too much?

Recognising these signs early can sometimes allow you to reduce demands before things escalate.

When big feelings happen, stay connected

When a child’s experiencing intense emotions, it can be tempting to try to reason with them, explain what they’ve done wrong or encourage them to calm down.

Nichola’s advice is to prioritise connection first:

“Connection, especially during difficult moments, is far more important than trying to fix or rush feelings away.”

You don’t always need to have the right words. Staying nearby, keeping your voice calm and letting your child know that you are there can be enough. Something as simple as:

“I’m here with you. Holidays can feel hard sometimes.”

can communicate safety and reassurance.

Once your child’s calm and regulated, there may be an opportunity to talk about what happened. But in the middle of a difficult moment, the priority may simply be helping them feel safe.

Build in time to recharge

Busy environments, changes in routine, travelling and social activities can all take energy.

For some children with Autism, ADHD or SEMH needs, having somewhere calm to retreat to can make a significant difference.

Consider creating a consistent space at home where your child can:

Have some quiet time
Listen to music
Read or draw
Use preferred sensory activities
Spend time alone without pressure to interact
Have some screen-free downtime if that helps them regulate
Recover after an outing

Nichola recommends building in sensory breaks after outings and reducing clutter or visual noise where possible, so the environment feels less overwhelming and the nervous system has time to recover after busy experiences.

This is particularly important when planning activities. A busy afternoon might need to be followed by a quiet evening. A day out might mean the next day is deliberately low-key.

Don’t forget the rest of the family

When one child has significant additional needs, it can sometimes feel as though the family’s attention naturally centres around them.

Rebecca speaks openly about the importance of making space for siblings too.

For several years, she and her husband would divide their time at weekends – one parent staying home with her son, the other taking her daughter out to do something more sociable, then swapping the following day so both children had dedicated one-to-one time. It wasn’t the shared family days out she’d once pictured, but it worked, and her daughter has grown into a settled, emotionally secure teenager as a result.

They’ve also drawn on wider family support and services set up specifically for siblings. Rebecca’s daughter, for example, has been linked with a Young Carers service for several years, giving her occasional trips and activities that are entirely her own, with no connection to her brother’s needs.

This doesn’t mean every family needs to do the same. It simply highlights the importance of recognising that every child in the family has their own needs.

If possible, consider whether siblings could have some individual time with a parent, grandparent, relative or trusted adult. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. A walk, a trip for a drink, watching a favourite programme together or simply having some one-to-one time can make a difference.

Look after yourself too

Parenting can be exhausting at the best of times. Supporting a child with additional needs can bring additional emotional and practical pressures.

Rebecca describes how parents can be incredibly hard on themselves, particularly after difficult incidents:

“We’re human too.”

There will be moments when you become frustrated, plans don’t work and days don’t go the way you hoped. That doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Rebecca also recommends finding someone you can talk to and “debrief” with after particularly difficult experiences: a partner, friend, family member, professional or parent support group. In practice, that might mean simply talking through what happened, how your child managed, how you managed, and whether any repair is needed with your child afterwards.

Online parent support groups can also help, and Rebecca is quick to point out that you don’t have to actively post to benefit from them: simply reading about other families’ experiences can be enough to feel less alone.

Talking through what happened can help you process your own emotions, consider what your child experienced and think about whether any repair is needed afterwards.

Most importantly, don’t forget that your wellbeing matters too.

Focus on repair, not perfection

No family has perfect days.

There may be arguments, cancelled plans, difficult outings and moments when everyone reaches their limit. The goal isn’t to avoid every difficult moment. It’s what happens afterwards that matters.

Nichola encourages families to focus on reconnecting after a difficult day rather than dwelling on what went wrong:

“Focus on repair, not perfect days.”

Repair might mean offering comfort, having a quiet conversation, apologising, spending some time together or simply starting again the next morning.

Rebecca’s experience echoes this message. She encourages parents not to carry guilt over every difficult moment. Tomorrow is another day.

You don’t have to create a perfect summer. You don’t have to replicate somebody else’s holiday. You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity.

You simply need to find what works for your child, your family and your circumstances.

Every child is different

There’s no single approach that works for all children with Autism, ADHD or SEMH needs.

Some children may thrive on predictable routines. Others may need more flexibility.

Children with Autism may find comfort in sameness and advance warning of change, while children with ADHD may need more built-in movement, stimulation and variety to feel settled. The same child may even need different things on different days.

Rebecca’s experience as both a parent and education professional has reinforced the importance of seeing the individual rather than focusing only on a diagnosis:

“Every child needs somebody to believe in them and to be their advocate.”

The summer holidays can be challenging, but they can also provide opportunities to slow down, follow your child’s interests, spend time together and discover what makes them feel safe and happy.

There’s no perfect way to spend the holidays.

If your family finds a way that works for you, that’s enough.

Speak to our team

Whether you’re at the beginning of your journey or exploring specialist education options, our experienced team is here to help. We’ll take the time to understand your child’s individual strengths, needs and aspirations, answer your questions and help you explore the support and educational pathways available.

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